Under The Mask

BRAINSTORMING INFORMATION-
"Hey, girl, take off that monster mask-oops, she's not wearing a mask!"(42),
Comments that she had to deal with. "By this time my hat had become part of me" (43)
What better to hide behind then keep facing the world without it? "No one could see me clearly. No one could see my face" (43) "the other kids say that you're slowly dying..." (43)
The cruelty and stupidity of not only kids, but many people. Their stupid ness comes out when people are scared or uneducated."...This scene gave me such a deep sense of fulfillment, nor why this fulfillment was mingled with such a sad sense of longing, nor why this longing only added to the beauty of everything else." (44)
She was always looking to the positive side of everything that involved beauty; for that was one thing she did not have herself. "I felt so old, and I felt proud of being so old." (45)
'My initial tactic was to pretend I didn't hear them, but this only seemed to spur them on."(45)
This refers back to my very first sentence on cruelty. "I walked down the streets suddenly bold and free: No one could see my face." (46)
She ran, laughed joked, asked questions and was a free butterfly gliding through the night without a care in the world because nobody knew the real her that night of Halloween. It is sad that one has to stoop to this level to be free and feel like you finally belong... "At home, when I took the mask off, I felt both sad and relieved." (47)
She was said for stooping so low for a few hours of happiness acting like she was royalty, but she wouldn't want to live this life of lies... "Then I would catch myself, guilty of exactly the thing I was accusing others of."(47)
"I viewed other people both critically and sympathetically." (47)
These were phrases and sentences that all had some sort of meaning to me. UNFAMILIAR WORDS. Ewing’s sarcoma, besotted, donned, inextricably, sidling, macabre, negated and contemptuous. I did look these up and write down each of their meanings to make the sentences they were in make sense to me.
IMPORTANT PASSAGES-
1. "I felt such freedom: I waltzed up to people effortlessly and boldly, I asked questions and made comments the rest of my troupe were afraid to make. I didn't understand their fear. I hadn't realized just how meek I'd become, how self-conscious I was about my face until now that it was obscured."(43). She finally looked and was able to act like all the rest of her friends without having to reveal who she really was. The costume gave her courage to say and do things she wouldn't normally do, she wasn't judged. She was able to be a kid with no worries for a couple of hours. I think the author is implying that we are not always honest with the rest of the world when we try to be something that we are not...
2. "The verse I read was about love, about how to accept the love of another with dignity. I shut the book after only a page. I wanted nothing to do with the world of love; I thought wanting love was a weakness to be overcome." (45) You should except and give love automatically without having to fake the effort. She did not want anything to do with love because she felt it was a waste of time, energy and a weakness for those who longed for love. She felt the world did not love her, because if it did, she shouldn't look the way she does or live the life she was dealt. It was a bitterness she had; she had to live with the ugliness inside her as well as on the outside of her. I think the author was trying to say that the world around us embraces you as much as you embrace it. You get out of it what you put into it...
3. "I felt so old, and I felt proud of being so old." (45) She was thinking back four years earlier where she thought that she wouldn't be around to see her sixth grade graduation due to her illness. But yet, it seemed like forever if she were to make it that long with what she had to go through day in and day out. She was proud though when she did make it and the four years it took her to get there aged her in many ways. It aged her in experiences of cruelty to the mind, body and her soul, but she made it!!!!!! I think the author is trying to say that life is too short to take for granted. Something’s seem impossible to reach, and when you do reach it, it feels like forever.